Kids n Krumblies

A pretty belly dancer from Lees,
Used to wiggle her middle to please,
‘til a young man from Shaw
Discovered the flaw,
Of a knocking noise made by her knees.

So she moved up the road to Springhead,
And took up lion taming instead,
‘til one Friday night,
She had such a fright ,
As the lion tried to bite off her head!

So she took a new job up in Oldham,
To sew mens shirts and to fold ‘em
And what of the lion,
With cage made of iron?
An advert in ‘ Chronicle sold ‘em.

I had a very big problem,
And with no one could I share,
It came down with me every morning,
And each night with me back up the stair.

It was all caused by “HIS” weakness,
The problem affected just me,
I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt,
It was a secret that stayed under key.

But my secret began to eat up my brain,
Just longing to be shared,
If only “HE” hadn’t listened when offered,
One more drink, tab or smoke if he dared.

And then “HE” just couldn’t stop,
And no one knew but me,
“HE” didn’t listen, just watched me dying,
I thought no one would hear my plea.

That was then but this is now,
No more secrets do I hold,
DEPENDENCE CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE,
There my story has been told.

It wasn’t as difficult as I thought,
Support came from all around,
Everyone listened sympathetically,
The advice they gave was sound.

Eventually “HE” listened too,
Saying “No” to one more round,
It was at first a tough step to take,
But it saved him much more than a pound.

Each day for “HIM” is still so tough,
But my health’s no longer as poor,
We both hold our heads up quite proudly,
As we walk through the ABSTINENCE DOOR.

Some Widgets for your Blog,
I read the other day.
So install a little widget,
It will really pay its’ way

But if you ever lose one,
Be sure to keep your cool
As an indiscriminate widget,
can make you look a fool.

So the moral of the story,
May sound very strange but true,
Ensure you use your widget,
Or your widget may use you!

Characters:
The Good Fairy, Little Girl, Wicked Witch, Woodland Creatures Chorus, Two Naughty Goblins,

Good Fairy:
I'm the Good Fairy of the Wood,
I am kind and I am good,
I can grant wishes if you please,
I can give beauty or cure disease,
If you're in trouble, needing help, don't worry,
Just call for me, I'll be there in a hurry.

Woodland Creatures:
We are the Creatures of the Trees,
We help the Good Fairy if you please.

Wicked Witch:
I'm the Wicked Witch of the Dale,
I like to make good children wail,
I cast spells to cause people pain,
I can make sunshine turn into rain,
If any lost child wanders down my road,
I'll turn them into a frog or a toad.

Naughty Goblins:
We are the Goblins, Evil and Mean,
Always heard but seldom seen.

Little Girl:
I'm a Little Girl, lost in the wood,
It's starting to rain I'll put up my hood,
Mummy told me not to roam,
Too far away from our lovely home,
Oh why didn't I listen to what Mummy said?
How I wish I were home in bed.

Naughty Goblins:
We are the Goblins Evil and Mean,
Always heard but seldom seen,
We'll lead the Little Girl across the field,
She'll make the Wicked Witch a tasty meal.

Wicked Witch:
I'm the Wicked Witch, ready for my tea,
What will the Goblins bring for me?
I'll put the cauldron on the fire to boil,
With a dash of venom and a litre of oil,
I see a lost Little Girl by the edge of the Wood,
Bring her here my Goblins, She taste real good!

Woodland Creatures:
We are the Creatures of the Trees,
We help the Good Fairy if you please,
Little Girl, Little Girl, cry no more,
The Good Fairy will see you safely to your door.

Good Fairy:
I am the Good Fairy, now Creatures tell me true,
Is that a lost Little Girl I see with you?
Guide her to me, and bring me my wand,
I'll see she gets home safe and sound,
Don't let the Goblins snatch her away,
Evening draws near it's the end of the day.

Naughty Goblins:
We're the Goblins Little Girl,
No more need for you to roam,
We'll take you across the field
We'll see you safely to your home.

Little Girl:
I'm a lost Little Girl, Oh What shall I do?
Between Creatures and the Goblins,
Who tells the truth?
Shall I follow the Goblin or the Creatures of the Trees?
Oh, What shall I do?
Won't someone help me please?

Wicked Witch:
I'm the Wicked Witch, No time to waste,
Goblins bring her here, hurry now make haste,
I'll cast a spell to hurry them up,
With wing of Bat and eye of Pup,
Boil up Cauldron, Boil up Hot,
Let the Little Girl be IN THIS POT!

Good Fairy:
I'm the Good Fairy I must stop the spell,
With a wave of my Wand, I'll make things well,
Little Girl, Little Girl, Be Safe Home in Bed!
Sill Old Witch Go and Boil Your Head!
And as for you Goblins Evil and Mean
May You Never be Heard and Never be Seen!

Woodland Creatures:
We are the Creatures of the Trees,
We help the Good Fairy if you please,
With a wave of that wand you're homeward bound,
Tucked up in bed, safe and sound.

Little Girl:
I'm a tired Little Girl,
What a strange dream I've had,
But I know I'm safe in bed so no need to be sad,
Thank you Good Fairy for setting me free,
I must ask Mummy if you can come for tea,
But that's a dream for another night,
Goodnight Woodland Creatures,
God bless, Sleep tight.

Charlie O’Brian he had a pet lion,
That was kept in the garden shed.
Charlie fed it every morning,
And at night before going to bed.

Mr O’Brian hated the lion,
Living in his garden shed.
He wanted his mower to cut the grass,
But had to use scissors instead.

Mrs O’Brian quite liked the lion,
Looking after the garden shed,
To get rid of unwanted guests,
She opened the shed door and they fled.

The lion called Barley (named by Charlie)
Was bored in the garden shed,
He yawned whilst watching the spider,
Hanging from its glistening thread.

Until one day, Charlie took Barley,
For a walk outside of the shed,
The largest dog collar Charlie could find,
Was slipped over Barley’s head.

Mr O’Brian said "Beware of that lion,
Put him back inside the shed",
But Charlie O’Brian, too close to the lion,
Ended up inside Barley instead.

Mrs O’Brian stared at the lion,
He went sulkily back to the shed,
She called the fireman to free her poor son
But the fireman said “Sorry, he’s dead”

So Mr O’Brian prodded the lion,
With a stick from under the shed,
Barley gave an enormous Burp,
Turned around and hungrily said:

“Mr O’Brian, I’m Barley the lion”
He said licking his lips in the shed,
“I’d rather not be prodded like that,
I’d love a nice stroke instead”.....

Mrs O’Brian said to the lion,
From on top of the garden shed,
“Barley the Lion you’ve eat’ one O’Brian,
You’re not eating my hubby Ted”.

Charlie O’Brian, from inside the lion,
Heard voices outside of the shed,
He didn’t know what the fuss was about,
Now that Barley the lion had been fed.

Mr O’Brian again prodded the lion,
Through a hole in the side of the shed,
He shouted “Charlie, you in there?
Please let us know you’re not dead.”

Hearing Dad O’Brian from inside the lion,
Sprawled on the floor of the shed,
Charlie now thought it, he’d nearly bought it,
So he really had to use his head.

Young O’Brian tickled inside the lion,
Barley rolled about the floor of the shed,
He laughed so hard, his jaws came apart,
And out shot young Charlie, quite red,

Charlie O’Brian, stamped his foot at the lion,
And loud voices were heard in the shed,
Barley looked at Charlie with big sad eyes,
But Charlie looked back, turned then said:

“A cage made of iron, must be made for this lion,
He can no longer live in this shed,
Dear Mum and Dad, you still have a lad,
But this lad wants a goldfish instead”.

So a cage made of iron was made for the lion,
Who moved out of the Garden shed,
The circus man came, said “This lion’s quite tame”
“We’ll feed him on Big Macs and bread”

Mrs O’Brian was a little sad that the lion,
Could no longer live in the shed,
But next time she wanted to frighten her guests,
She’d take off her make-up instead.

So the family O’Brian said goodbye to the lion,
Ted and Charlie they knocked down the shed,
They’d had quite enough wild animal stuff,
They were building a fishpond instead.

The Doctor looked in Wilfreds mouth
An said they looked real big,
Then slumped back in his tattered chair
An’ lit another cig.

He said “We’ll ‘ave to do somat,
Of that there is no doubt,
We’ll send young Wilf to hospital
They’ll whip those tonsils out”.

Wil’fs Mam began to tremble
An turned a whiter shade of pale,
Wilf didn’t at all like ospikals
An he began to wail.

“Don’t show me up like that” cried Mam
An flicked Wilf on the ear,
“I’m s sorry Mam” Wilf croaked an’ sobbed
As he wiped another tear.

The Doctor poured a brandy,
And downed the drink in one,
“Keep calm keep calm” the old man slurred
“And do control your son”.

“I’ll make all the arrangements
On your way now close the door”….
With empty glass and ashtray full
His own throat felt real sore.

Samson was a bin man who lived down our row,
He carried bins two at one time,
Til he dropped one on his toe.
Things never were the same again,
Although he was so strong,
Still carrying bins two at one time,
but now he limped along.

He was a giant of a man standing six feet and more,
So he had to lift bins higher,
To get them off the floor.
Whilst others carried just one each
Often dragging on the ground
Samson carried his effortlessly
With never a dragging sound.

He never took a day off work come hail or rain or shine
Even with just one good foot
He always was on time
Doing twice the work of other men,
He always led the way,
He even smiled each payday
As he received his equal pay.

Until one day he didn?t show the foreman scratched his head,
It really wasn?t Samson
To stay at home in bed
So the Cart was redirected
Trundled round to Samsons home,
A humble little back to back
Where he lived all on his own.

The house it was in darkness and they peered into the gloom,
Everyone really thought the worst
As they searched from room to room
Opening the bedroom door
They saw a lump within the bed
They offed their caps and hung their heads
As the lump appeared quite dead

But what they didn?t notice was a note pinned on the wall,
It gave the perfect explanation
He?d expected them to call
The note read very simply
?The football pools I?ve won,
I?ve left my dustbin here in bed,
I?m off to get some sun?.